To love is a costly call, for love can have no strings
it steals time and breaks your heart and wrinkles everything
To love is to gamble if it were not for the Christ
Who swallowed death to save my heart because He knows my fight
The one I lose so hopelessly each morning when I wake
Because my heart is human and it hungers more to blame
To lust and twist and use this life for what I want instead
I merely open up my mouth and I can smell the dead (Matt.15:17-19)
To love is impossible without my anguished prayer
Please help me God to love so much I cannot help but care
Even when no not one of them desires my love at all
When I am trampled under foot, mocked and scorned and mauled
To love is a costly call for you were bled bone dry
No earthly guaranteed result, love clearly means to die
So as I die each of these days you've granted me O Lord
I'm watching for the many seeds You spoke of in Your Word (John 12:24)
©Cindy Palin May 2019
Reading 40 Days of Decrease.
Even as I ponder the prologue, it is through tears. How often have we mourned over loss, and not considered the losses Christ faced?
“He fasted the Voice that birthed planets and submitted to the silence of thirty hidden years” Alicia Britt Chole, 40 Days of Decrease.
I wept when I read that line. I think of my earthly father, now gone. I think of our loved ones across the miles that we cannot see anytime we want to.
And Jesus knows what that ache feels like.
I am excited to begin this journey. If you haven’t heard of this book be sure to visit the trailer above.
The morning sky seemed like a water stained, black and white photograph. The recent memories of a client’s struggle muddied my thoughts even further. With furrowed brow I cautiously dodged patches of ice. “Such a slippery slope life can be” I thought.
Dainty white whispers of snowflakes fell on my forehead. I knew what they were trying to do. “I know, I know – no two of you are alike” I whispered back at them. If anything could cause me to look heavenward and consider my Creator, they could.
Once inside the windowless office I opened doors, turned artificial lights on our plastic Christmas tree and, put the brown coffee on to brew. I wandered over to the reception desk and spied a pile of bulging black garbage bags. There was a faded note marked ‘donations’ taped to one of them.
I fumbled with one knot. I pulled and pushed and caught a glimpse of something unexpected. Something new, brand new. I grabbed a pair of scissors to get to the treasure inside. The rhythm of my heart began to race. My eyes teared and the breath in my throat gasped.
Gently I lifted a perfectly hand knit child’s sweater out of the bag. My lungs lifted and sighed in relief. “The color of love!” My fingers gently untied the pom pom strings, and moved the zipper up and down. I twirled the sweater in the air from back to front, and felt a strange sensation come over me.
The love someone had poured into every stitch was now flooding into my veins, warming my limbs, blushing my face, and painting my lips in a smile. I found the faded note and turned it over to find a lady’s name and address. How could I possibly thank her enough? My heart took in every thread of her kindness and compassion.
She had no idea how the gift she’d made for someone’s little boy or girl had been a gift for me as well. I paused and the colors of love filled the room around me. The muddy struggles, the slippery slope, the plastic tree, and the browns and blacks of a challenging world were now magically changing to blue and yellow, pink and green.
We’ve all heard so many memes about not living in our past, but instead looking towards the future. I like to look back and remember just enough to see how far God has brought me. When self doubt starts to crowd in my thoughts I am careful not to waste any energy thinking about how I started in my faith journey, but instead I focus every thought on how I plan to finish – faithful.
“I can do all this through Him who gives me strength” (Phil. 4:13 NIV).
“The one who calls you is faithful and He will do it” (1 Thess. 5:24 NIV).
When you spend most of your time listening to those who are in major inner turmoil, that turmoil can manifest in your own mind. For those who believe in God’s Word, we understand we can sin in our thoughts (Mark 7:20-23).
It is important not to be afraid or despair. If we confess our sin he will forgive and heal, and transform us (1 John 1:9). Part of this transformation is choosing to think on Him instead, and meditate on His Word (Psalm 19:14, Eph. 4:17-24).
Sometimes we believe that our confessing needs to be accompanied with some other sort of action. I have often struggled with asking for forgiveness for the same thing over and over, and wondered “what else should I do?” I have questioned my sincerity. Do I have a penitent heart (Psalm 51:17)?
This morning I confessed to God out loud for my sinful thinking. For a moment I considered my confession to be insincere, because it was not accompanied with tears. However, I realized my lack of tears was not a sign of insincerity, but faith, and maturity. I had sinned in my thoughts. I obeyed God by confessing and I believe in His forgiveness. Confessional faith is a choice to move on in praise and service to my King as a new creation (2 Cor. 5:17).
It is very important to recognize we are in a battle (Eph. 6:12).
We are going to sin (Romans 7:21 and 22).
We need to confess out loud to God and establish an accountability system (James 5:16a).
We need to ask for prayer (James 5:16b).
No show of grovelling or whining or anything else of our own strength is necessary (Eph. 2:8). What Christ accomplished on the cross for us is complete (Heb. 10:10-12).
We must press on (Phil. 3:13 – 14) – WITH JOY!
And remember if we are not able to see ourselves for who we really are, how can we help others?
Contrary to the excruciating circumstances surrounding us at First Baptist, I awoke with such joy. I credit it to reading about our dear sister’s, and her family’s faith confession in the face of severe illness. They are still choosing to call God good, and so will I.
When I saw the rain outside my window this morning my heart leapt with joy. But my sister, how was she? As I went outside to work I paused, and looked up and welcomed the rain on my face. But my sister how was she? What ever she was experiencing, one thing was sure – her situation was reminding me of HIS gift called LIFE.
Strange how someone’s faithful posture in the face of uncertainty can lift so many hearts, and knit so many together.
Whether she is healed to spend more days on earth with us, or healed to enter heaven before me, my heart thanks her. In her suffering she has given more life to me than she’ll ever know, and has brought the promise of eternity closer.
And through the tears there is this unspeakable joy that cannot be explained. It is the Spirit bonding us together, whether near or far. It is the mystery of the Gospel calling us home and flooding us with HOPE.
Thank you my dear sister. You know well – God is still good.
The moment we let go of our NEED to have the LAST WORD,
is the moment we are HEARD.
The moment we let go of our NEED to be IN CHARGE,
is the moment we are given opportunity to LEAD.
The moment we recognize our NEED of GOD,
is the moment we lay down our DEMANDS,
and become BEAUTIFUL.
Cindy Palin ©Sept.9,2018
In reading further on leadership in the book Spiritual Leadership by Henry and Richard Blackaby, my thoughts turned to our family life and our spouses. (This is more for those of us who are in a working and communicative marriage)
This may not be a popular message but it is one I believe in. Not only should we include our spouses in our decisions, we should be asking for their help as we make them, even if they disagree. We should be big enough to take their advice, and trust that there will be other opportunities down the road. In turn they will want to know what we think about their ideas, and welcome help with their decisions.
One of the most honoring and productive actions we can make for a healthy and fruitful future is to listen to our spouse and honor them by placing their ideas and needs before our own. I know, it sounds ‘old fashioned’, but life does run smoother. I believe in what God’s Word teaches us about our husband’s leadership role. Check out this link for a more extensive study on the role of a husband. https://www.allaboutgod.com/role-of-husband-in-the-bible.htm.
This leadership role is not only to guide us and assist us but to protect us from charging head on into something that will drag the family down, or pull the family apart.
I find it interesting how as little girls we dream of finding our Prince Charming, as young women we meet our Prince Charming, and then we marry and discard our Prince Charming in a inadvertent way, or literally.
Part of the reason for this abandonment is because we come to learn that Prince Charming isn’t always charming anymore. Well guess what? Neither is Cinderella that sweet. Another reason for this behavior is an unrealistic idea of what marriage is meant to be in the first place. Marriage is not a step-up to a solo career, it is signing up for a team sport.
So to recap on balancing our lives or collapsing them, how can we honor our husbands before we go running after the next best distraction?
People observing people… trying desperately to balance their lives. I wonder how many ‘balancing act’ courses exist? How many of these courses are able to teach us how to harmonize our chaotic schedules?
In seeking answers today, I came across a few articles that spoke about ‘plates being too full’. One author’s solution was to insist our vision was too small. “Get a bigger plate” he said. “O dear” is my rebuttal.
The trend today is to brag about how busy we are, but chaos should never be something we aspire to. Paul certainly had something to say about busybodies (1 Tim. 5:13). Don’t sign up to do more stuff simply because there are a plethora of choices.
I asked a colleague yesterday what her secret to balancing life was. She answered, “Ask Him”. Two very powerful words that we Christians can put into practice. Before signing our entire family up for our ‘culture craze’ way of living, let’s see what God wants. Jesus certainly was accountable to the Father. Christ’s short life on earth was purposeful and focused. He could have accomplished more, but instead He gloriously fulfilled his purpose. I have often reflected on how hard it must have been for him to restrain himself from healing everyone he met, just because he could.
While reading “Spiritual Leadership” by Henry and Richard Blackaby, I came across a paragraph that struck a chord. In brief they talk about a man who decided to climb Mount Everest simply because ‘IT WAS THERE’. Years later his body was discovered. He lost his life trying to achieve an unessential objective.
Isn’t that what we all experience at one time or another over the course of our lifetime? We embark upon the unnecessary, just because the opportunity is there, AND ‘balance’ continues to evade us. This is where the enemy of our soul wants us – running around in circles like a chicken with its head cut off.
The Blackaby’s write, “why are you taking a particular action?” “What are the long term ramifications?” The authors conclude, “Those who impulsively charge forward will eventually collapse on their mountain, their efforts misspent.”
So let us revisit the “Ask Him”, and let us challenge one another to read God’s Word, and find out what He has to say in regards to balance.
Blackaby, Henry and Richard, Spiritual Leadership, B&H Publishing Group, 2011, pg 86, 87.
The next time you mess up, remember we serve a God who runs after our heart!
“Forever is Ours”
I get stuck in the ‘here and now’, although free of my past.
I forget forever is ours.
I can fret all I want to, but you pray for me.
I’m never too far from your arms.
than a friend who runs after my heart?
Because it’s in my stinkin’ nature to propagate the lie,
that your forgiveness only goes so far.
So I’m struck by your patience and freed by your truth.
Reminded forever is ours.
You purchased my soul, you’re not trading me in,
and you died to hold me in your arms.
Why is it easier to picture a King who reigns on high,
than a friend who runs after my heart?
Because it’s in my stinkin’ nature to propagate the lie,
that your forgiveness only goes so far…
written in May of 2012 ©Cindy Palin
Psalm 103:12, Hebrews 10:17, Isaiah 1:18, Proverbs 18:24